Seasons > Margins

Reframing common parenting advice & what I'm reading/watching/listening to right now.

Over the last three weeks, I’ve had so many ideas for essays and book lists. I’ve sketched out pieces while walking or getting my toddler to sleep. I’ve dreamt up goals for my writing and pictured myself with notebook in hand, laptop open, in the evening hours or at a coffee shop away from home.

Over the last three weeks, I have barely opened my laptop. My notebook is untouched. My ideas sit in a notes app. Aside from keeping up with our summer readalong for

Novel Pairings

I have not managed to read more than a chapter or write more than a paragraph.

Common parenting advice suggests we “find time in the margins” in order to refuel our creative spirits or maintain hobbies that make us feel like well-rounded humans rather than serial snack-fetchers and butt-wipers. I’ve had seasons of fruitful margin time, finding space to write drafts during naps or squeezing in work after my son’s bedtime. Parents (and busy child free adults) often need to assess where we spend our time and make moves to include bits of joy. I’m writing in the margins right now, as my two year old splashes in his water table. I’m frequently interrupted and half-focused on how gentle he’s being with our dog. But I wanted to write, so I’m here. When motivated, I can use margin time with almost super powered efficiency.

*pause for snack time and hugs*

*pause to reread everything I just wrote and regain my train of thought*

However, like most modern parenting advice—or time management advice in general—there is no such thing as a consistent fix. In certain seasons when we are exhausted, stressed, or spread too thin, a helpful method like “using margin time” can trigger critical self talk: where is this margin everyone talks about, and why can’t I find it?

In these times, instead of pressuring myself to use every ounce of margin, I resort to a different old adage: for everything there is a season. Right now, I’m in a season of immense exhaustion. Lots of solo parenting, growing a human, allergies raging. Even when I do find bits of time for myself, all I can do is rest or take care of my immediate physical needs. I wish I had the verve to plan my pockets of time and make better use of them. I know that in some ways a little hit of productivity would make me feel better. It’s just not the season for it. This is a season to shed every extra commitment and let myself just be—something I’m not naturally inclined to do.

The temporality of parenting phases—or any life phases—gets a little easier to embrace with each passing year. I just wish we would emphasize the beauty of living in temporary seasons rather than load on the extra pressure (“enjoy it while it lasts//you only have 18 summers with them//the days fly by”). When things are hard, I need to hear “this won’t last forever. It will get better,” not a trite reminder to soak it all in.

Thank goodness this is temporary. Thank goodness my toddler won’t be getting his two-year-old molars forever, nor will I always be waking up to pee every two hours. Thank goodness this is just a season. Thank goodness my capacity to take advantage of the margins will someday return.

Thanks for sticking around here in the meantime.

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Reading

I don’t have much to report as we’re trekking along through Les Misérables by Victor Hugo for the

Novel Pairings

Slow Summer Readalong. I’m eagerly anticipating a few hot summer releases once Sara and I wrap up our recap recordings, namely The God of the Woods by Liz Moore.

Watching

I’m two episodes into My Lady Jane (Amazon Prime) and loving it! TV time is a rarity for me, so I’m particular about which shows I invest in; this one is totally worth the time, especially if you loved Reign from back in the day on the CW. Witty, true to the narration of the book it’s based on, and sizzling with romantic tension—this period piece reaches exactly what I wanted The Buccaneers (Apple TV) to achieve (albeit in a different setting).

Listening

After a random recommendation on Instagram, I pressed play on a new-to-me country artist: Kaitlin Butts. Her album Roadrunner! is a little bit old school country (think Patsy or Dolly), a little bit rock (like The Chicks), and an ode to Oklahoma! the musical, which took me by surprise and immediately hooked me. Butts samples bits and piece from the musical and includes a beautiful rendition of “People Will Say We’re in Love.” I’m not much of a country music fan, but her blend of vintage and artistic vision has me sold.

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To find out more about my current reads, favorite things, and life updates follow me on Instagram. If you’re interested in reading classic literature with accessible guidance and a cozy community, check out the Novel Pairings podcast and Patreon.